Gay short story : Not like what you expected

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I'm openly Gay you get it????
I'm GAY!!!
I know! You think I'm disgusting huh??
I used to disgusted myself too!!!!
But what can I do??? Tell me what ELSE can I do?????
I've tried ma best to loving girls, BUT I CAN"T!!!!
I've tried to watching porn but it doesn't work!!!!
I've tried to hate men and it....kills me so bad!
I tried to dating girls and I felt guilty. How can I fooled them?
This...
This world....
This world isn't fair to me.
Why me??!! Why only me??!!
Once I found a friend who said that she will stand up for my rights.
And for the first time, I thought that I have a 'friend'.
We met often. She often smiling to me. She looks so lovely and cute.
She said that she loves watching gossip girl, glee, vampire diaries...and I listened to her.
She said that she wants to be a chef. And I support her.
She said that I'm a good guy and she forced me to agreed it. Than I agreed.
She smile.
I smile.
She hugs me for so many times. I hugged her back tight.
I said good night..she said it too.
I love her. I thank to god for sent her to me. Sent me an unforgettable friend and I tell him how glad and how grateful I am in that time.

She said that I more look like her older brother.
"You're my brother now!" She yelled and she hugged me from back.
"Or you want to be my sister??" she said and stare me with those round eyes. Then she just left and laughed.

My stressful day became more colorful with her. She often visit my college and came to my flat.
She often bought me a sweet cake or cooked me foods. Slept in my bed like there's no guy in my flat.
Phone me like there's no other days, text me like just one day left.
When I hang out with her, she always like " look at those boys~ so cute~" "Ah! That's a douchebag!" "wowww he's so handsome...don't you think the same way?"
Yes..we was flirting together.

I think I already got my happiness until one day...when she didn't reply my texts back, didn't answer my phone, and even didn't open her house for me. I felt a huge fear.
I wondering...what happened?? what happened?? what happened??? Did I do something wrong to her??
She didn't contact me for about a week. Then, I decided to stop contacting her for a while. Because of what? because I think she was in big problem that she even couldn't tell me.
And yes....I extremely miss her.

Finally, I met her in the bus stop when it was getting to dark, I met her right on the place when I met her at the first time. It was a very silence afternoon. No one there except us.
I was feel really surprised!
I called her
"Shania..." I said slowly with a very big grin.
She looked at me and She looked surprised. She was.......getting to move.
"Shan..?"
I walked faster tried to get closer. She moved her feet faster and faster.
Why she wanted to go away from me?

I called her again
"Shania??!
Hey Shania!!! It's mee! waaaiitt....Shaaan??"
She was getting to run.

"Shania!!! Wait!!"
I ran chase over her.

Then I caught her.

"Hands off!!!"

I'm shock with her behave.

"Hey...what's going on actually here?"
". . . . . . . nothin' I have to go. So let me go"
"What? What's going on with you?? Did I do something bad to you? If that so, I'm so sorry.."

She stop her steps and looked at me back.
"It's all your fault!!!!!!!!!!" she pushed me.

"What???? Shania, pleaseee....I don't understand.."
"You won't understand!!!"
"Then make me understand! You just disappeared and now we just meet and you blame me for no reason!"
'No reason you say??? No reason???!!'

I never...I've never seen her in this kind of condition. She so emotional. And I just didn't know why.

"Okay....If there's a reason. Tell me...maybe I can fix it..."
"You just shut the fuck up dick!! Fix what?? You can fix what??? Your gender and sexuality?!"
...
.
What did she just said?

"Shan...?"
"Just-Don't look at me." She turned her face

"What's that mean?"
She didn't answer.

"Shan..Answer me.."

"Because of you..."

"huh?"

"I found the reality of your world"

"Huh? What? What do you mean?"

"Don't what me!! I.....I went to gay clubs....and I found there are a lot---A LOT gays fucked up each others, They have kissed, they drunk and they naked!!! They having sex with people who they just met!! They making love with everyone, some of them using drugs!! What----What is that??!! What kind of world is that Jim?!! Is that you world??!!"

Her words..made me..really really shock.

"I...I...but I.."
"But what?????!! BUT WHAT??!!"

She took some breath and said the very shocking part.

"Why I have to stands up for people rights who even don't seems need a help??? You said you need activist?? You don't need one! You're already have a happy life! Nights clubs, drugs, free sex! What else??! Your life---Is full of joy!!!"

"I---Shania! But you know me! I'm not that kind of---"

"SILENCE!!!!!" She pointed at my face

".............We're friends...aren't we??"

Her eyes was starting to teary
In her silences, she wipe her tears

She...cried.....

"But you know me...I haven't did those..things..."
"How do I know if you don't?"
"Shania pleaseeee...you know I'm not, right??"
"I don't. I don't know"

I remembered at that time, I really couldn't breath
"I can't believe you do this to me....."

I really wanted to cry..where's my cute little girl?
My heart is really in pain....she just blame me for things that I never do.
it's like..mini heart attack when I heard those words.
  
"Shania..but...you said that...."
'That's a lie!!! That's completely lie!!!!!! I'm not--your---friend anymore!!'
DEG
My mouth shaking I couldn't--couldn't believe it.

"Shan........" I couldn't hold my tears anymore

"My friend----called me a lesbian! They do it because I stand up---I planned to stand up for your rights!! They bullying me!!"
......
And...If I have boyfriend--You will TAKE him right?!!'
That last word...how could she...

"Tell me this is a lie Shan..."
My tears dropped slowly

Her body was shaking. Her eyes teary.
And......she said "Go away from my life"
"N--no..."
I cried.

"Don't cry for me...and just don't look for me anymore.."

She ran away.
Left me on that cold afternoon.
I fall and kneel. I cried so bad.
How could she do that to me?
My friend. My only one friend..

I remembered when I met her for the first time in this place. She always smile to me...
After 5 times we met she decided to have a chat with me. She introduce herself in a cute way. She was a very lovely high school girl that time. I thought...She was fallen in love with me.
And when she followed me to my college she said... "Hey..I have a radar"
I smile  "Okay then go on"
"I mean...Where's your boyfriend? I haven't seen him this far.."
I turned on "Huh?"
"Haha Kidding.."
Right away I thought that she knows that I'm a gay

Those memories hurt me so much..Now I lost her.
She hates me because the fact that I even never do.
I really want to say that gays who need support is gay like  me! Who want a true love! Want a happy life!
But she's gone. She left me.

Now...years just passing me by.
I wanted to suicide. But God just don't let me...
After I found my partner.
Yes my boyfriend. My true boyfriend.
If only she still my friend, I will be glad if she knows my boyfriend too.
I met him in a city park where I usually go to jogging twice a week. And where I and...Shania usually go to spent a day together. We have been in relationship for 6 months.
I think, he's not a kind of those gays who like Shania said.
It doesn't mean all of those gays are bad. Every people have rights to find their happiness right?

And today...
When my boyfriend, Benny hold me tight on the bed, he suddenly said...
"If only your friend didn't introduce you to me, maybe we won't meet" Then he kissed my neck

my...friend..??

"Eh?"
"Yea..that girl...She said that she has a friend. And advice me to stalk you for days..and the rest..she leave it to me...If I have interested in you, I allowed to approaching you. hahahaha.."

"A...girl...."

"Yes baby...Shania. What's wrong?"

Time like stands still
I can't believe it...

She still remember me....same like I do too?
My tears just flowing...
And now I believe..there's no...
Ex- friend

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It's done!! 

Well this is not a real story...I just made it.

According to what I want to know and what It's in my mind.

Sorry for the bad grammar. And sorry if I offend one of you

:|

Correct me if I'm wrong....

I respect gays...

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